Sunday, May 27, 2007

mangoes and the koyal


I opened one of the Sunday magazines and found something.

‘Yun Guzarte Hain hum zindagi se,

raftaar si lagi hai seene mein,

Gar pal do pal hum gunguna lein,

toh kya mazaa aye phir jeene mein…’

As in

With speed in our hearts we live,

If once in a while we break into a song

What exuberance life could give…

It appealed to my corny heart since lately I get unusually startled by loud piercing sounds but I have a huge appetite for sights, sounds, and smells (yes yes yes my orkut profile reiterates that).Especially sounds…sounds that soothe, that energise….sounds emanating from the sky..the sound of the sea .The Koel’s lilting voice has perennially enthralled me and so I decided ages back to name my daughter Kuhu…and I still stand by that crazy whim….

I love to pamper my senses…and what intrigues me most about the Koel is its elusiveness….it unsettles me with its loud ascending whistle and then I keep looking for it in vain. It can apparently be easily identified by its entirely glossy black plumage, tinged with blue and green, and its striking red eye..I’ve never seen it…except in pictures.

My enduring love affair with the Koel began when I was 10 and I would visit my hometown every summer…. The first thing I did every time I reached my house in Satara was to hug my granny…I loved the smell of my granny’s saree. All grannies have this distinct baby smell…. that’s the most vivid pleasant recollection of my childhood days….my safe haven.

After that, I would rush into this room, which overlooked an expansive hill…it was well stocked with mangoes every year around this time. I loved to spill the mango all over me…and lick it off my hands. My granny well aware of my obsession for dabbing the mango all over my clothes refused to clothe me…and I was most happy with mango all over me.I don’t really enjoy eating mangoes anymore since I can’t eat them that way anymore….hehe…

I would then open the backdoor of the room and at regular intervals a koel hummed. I longed to see it…. to know the source of that mesmeric resonance. This koel motivated a trail. My inquest led me to the canopy of berry and guava trees in my garden and around my house…all the elders found it amusing when I cried over my abortive search. During my exams last month, I heard the muffled voice of a koel..and I couldn’t concentrate. It barely managed to rise above the din of the traffic on the main road….It was like a stifled sound….after prolonged intervals….but then I remembered the koel in Satara.

All my memories and dreams are in the form of myriad small packages of multi-sensory experiences…they don’t really hurt me…in fact they are liberating with their tingle of nostalgia even when they ache….

I loved to spend the beginning of the rainy season in my hometown…I loved the rhythmic sounds on the tin roofs.

My first encounter with bright sights of the dawn was in Satara…the clouds would roll by in the sky and the dewdrops would shine at the tips of the lush green leaves in winters. My granny is up before anybody else and she sits in the veranda. That is her private space and time…she loved reading at this time and I gave her quiet company. She is a picture of poise. Nothing in the world can fill me with as much serenity as looking at her during those early hours…. those were my fragrant mornings as I sipped my tea listening to the sound of silence…. entwined with the swooshing of the brooms in the garden. Then one hushed whistle of the koel…and i waited as nothing followed.I called her bluff then.

My romance with the koel has stood the test of time…I have this heightened sensitivity to its voice only because it leaves me insatiate….and my mom still laughs at me when I get hassled over not finding it even after she bends over backward to point towards the high branch on which it is perched. Then I get a fleeting glance. I hate its speed and agility.



Saturday, May 12, 2007

Woven into me


You’ll be gone soon…

And I’m trembling with trepidation…. not because your exit will debilitate me…

It’s because I’m struggling to vacate the corners of my mind…. to make space for your several impressions….

Its like a traveler’s anxiety which I feel when I lock my house to go out for a long vacation…. constantly wondering what I have left behind or left unfinished.

I mull over your reminiscences.

I can’t leave out anything…I want to pack everything in the valise of my psyche…as you pack your bags to leave…

Allow me to stay riveted …allow me to be immersed in you…allow me to stare at you for long…..I want to memorize everything about you…

Your eyes…I’ll miss them the most…. Unforthcoming as they are when they look at others….

They have been my voluble companions …. speaking to me beyond your measured words…

The way your eyes carry that heaving hushed unsheltered sea …with turbulent waves

The way your fleeting look traces the crumbling coves within me….and holds them there….

The way you embrace me till you lose your otherness…

The way your one glance deliquesces frozen spaces in me…

The crimples around your eyes when you try to convey something poignant…

The way the creases on your forehead unfurl when I wring my hands and pout just after I have gone ahead and done something that is forbidden…

Their intense gaze when they disentangle all that I manage to entangle….wires, earphones, ribbons…. the strands of light in the snarls of my hair… and even the medley of my groping mind…

And now you leave me here enmeshed in the web of shared moments …passionate, inexplicable and perennially mysterious….

Let me look at you till my eyes are flooded and then I will shut them…

Go wherever you want to go now…

Just stay there between my closed eyelids


Sunday, April 15, 2007

exam blues

this formal education is ruining me..im cramming for law exams.....my mind wanders almost all the time..thinking already of all the things that I'll do after exams....
I feel like a prisoner of my own device....wish there was a better way of evaluating us...
will scribble in this space after the 30th of this month....
i miss my blog space :(

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

thats the kinda someone i wanna be with...

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Thursday, March 15, 2007

An image from the jigsaw of my mind




Azure, turquoise, indigo, violet, sapphire, purple …

A riot of different shades of blue…

Rustling leaves beneath our feet

Strawberry Fields

Vanilla skies

A hammock….naaah…

A swing to soar across the sky….

Above the towering trees shielding that expansive blue

Lets take a walk…

To places that stir in me moments that have been long expunged….and moments that are still ineffaceable

A tree house…

My Meandering mind

It hovers around till it perches on a twig on an old memory…

Then on the plush seat of a fluffy cloud in the midst of the cerulean space…

Trying to recall a half remembered song….

You follow me and sing it aloud

The one that I’m struggling to sing in my mind….

Your shoulders..sweet slumber…

The silly tune…your prompt remembrance

giving rhythm to every rhyme…

My Stumbling feet…your steady hands….

My playful mind…your faraway gaze

A dive into the gushing gold of sunset colours…

And then we glide gleefully towards the shore…Pink sand…

A quayside jetty…our dancefloor…

An intricate dance without stepping on each others toes and without invading each others space….

A mystic mutuality…a rapturous eye lock

Sounds of Silences…

Peach margarita, Appletini, Sparkling wine…

The moonlight lending its luster to the sea…

A scintillating spirit…

The rooftop…

Your fingers carving playthings galore out of clouds and stars…

Balloons, Parachutes…. miniature elephants…

My crazy performances

Your cheering as appreciative audience…

Lets take a walk…lets brave the squall, the dust, the thorns…

Years down the line I want to see you across that fence…with silver hair… with me

in solitude .. in songs

In anguish… in exuberance

In naked truths..in euphemisms…

In ‘tunelessness’…in rhythm…

In oblivion ..in surety…

My feeble arm looped through your elbow…

Our heads tipped together…

In long habit..in firm belonging….

My fragile dream...an elusive perfection...

Lets find neverland

Friday, March 9, 2007


dont mind it..i was jus practising the whole image adding thing....

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Ephemeral ....

Please forgive me for coercing you into reading my juvenile poems...written by me when i was ehhh juvenile ;)

Days fly
Every moment is accompanied with a sigh
I know time wont wait for anyone
It asks me to catch up and run..
Passing moments unfold the fabric of a relationship
And it becomes harder to hold on to a gradually loosening grip...
Are these moments spent together a pathway to a dream come true...
Or are they among the myriad short-lived few
Nevertheless I treasure them...
They teach me to dream..to dare...
Will these moments teach me to accept my fate
When the path of life seems long and my strength inadequate?
Or are they a mere mirage,that will soon disappear
I hope that with these months
the feelings inside are conveyed
Even though the golden words are unsaid...

Now as i watch you go
i hope that the regrets behind my smile
are not shown
The bittersweet moment, when your eyes through mine
I knew i had lost those moments forever with time...

With these passing moments
the tears in my eyes will wipe away
but the pain in my heart will always stay...
As we carry the burden of unspoken words
and a love story goes unheard!!!!