Cleaning up my closet

I rearranged the contents of my cupboard today….it had begun to mirror my mind…cluttered with thoughts. It’s almost like detoxification..I got rid of quite a few of my keepsakes that failed to serve their purpose and the exercise gave some semblance of order to my immediate outer space, which I hoped would seep inside….

Most of the things that I managed to unearth were reminders of a life that could have been, memorials of promises I had made to myself…. unrequited prayers and thankfully so. I also found quite a few things that I had forgotten were in my possession.. books and wisps of paper on which I had written my spontaneous thoughts, scraps of paper that once adorned my soft board….

Few of the things I managed to scavenge are worth mentioning:

1) Hand-written last statement of Timothy, executed for the Oklahoma bombing …

Out of the night that covers me

Black as the Pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstances

I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul.

2) A tattered dress that my first doll once wore, which reminded me of my many ‘firsts’ – My first stereo system, my first day at college, my first job, my first salary, my first poem, my first ‘mini skirt’, my first prom dance…

3) Withered flowers and leaves

4) My cartoon sketch gifted by my school friend – a rendition of what my future self would look like…

5) Some handmade cards given by friends (I’ve been out of touch with) promising to be my friends forever

6) My English Composition and grammar book – with essays of prophecies of what I would be when I grow up

Apart from the archaic therapeutic ways like cleaning up, getting a haircut, comfort food…. and some other mood elevating stuff…I was contemplating about what works for me.

a) Finding a quiet comfortable corner.. settling in the bean bag and soliloquizing

b) Surreal conversations and coffee

c) Sifting through old pictures and revisiting good old memories at my own pace…

d) Sepia tone pictures complemented with Rumi poems

e) Writing poems and testimonials for friends…

f) Smelling my grandmom’s sarees

g) Dressing up…having a drink with a friend …trying out a new cuisine

h) Imli and star fruit

i) movies - especially world cinema - I'm a hardcore cinema enthusiast.

j) Stick ice-creams

k) Crazy Photo sessions in diverse lights and ambience

l) Long drives and retro music…vast stretches where the crisp air can be best appreciated through windows of a car

m) Sumptuous upbeat colours — aquatic blues, bottle green, passionate red, burnished gold and elegant jade…floral prints..polka dots….

n) Screaming in a giant wheel

o) Sitcoms

p) Children’s literature with pictures of dwarfs, cosy pink and blue houses perched on snow clad mountains, Tinker Bell, Winnie the Pooh, pretty tea sets, poppies, exotic fruits…

q) Calvin and Hobbes – my all time favourite

r) Talking to kids – because essentially basic is how we live. We can take inspiration from children in countless cases – They don’t incessantly judge themselves – they plunge headlong into activities – they don’t care about how they look whent they’re dancing – they shake their bodies when they hear their favourite songs – they are comfortable with their own bodies. I love practicing Madhuri’s moves in the privacy of my bedroom – and it really helps especially with dupattas!! Crooning into a hairbrush works even better for me – not being your prevalent critic allows stress levels to nose-dive. I also very unabashedly accept that having an invisible friend was a form of self-therapy for me for a long time as a kid. I think one can be more adjusted with one…since the idea of soemone who knows you as intimately as an invisible friend always comforted me.

s) Magical realism - It is an artistic genre wherein magical elements appear in an otherwise realistic natural setting – an altered reality. It operates in different realms of fiction, visual art, films. Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s stories or the film ‘The Lakehouse’ are a perfect example of magical realism. My most serious problem like Marquez was destroying the lines of demarcation that separates what seems real from what seems fantastic .

t) The sea is my best friend – my confidant – Walking by the sea…sinking my feet in the sand and watching the water recede from my toes…the sound of the sea… thunderous and soothing at the same time..waves of white froth and azure crashing…like thousand silver bells and ribbons jingling and unfolding..It is easy to project with the sea – to see in it what we want to see – a roaring monster or a vast expanse imbibing your secrets in its enormity

u) Reading travel magazines especially Pico Iyer….The idea of having a home which is both invisible and portable has always captured my imagination.

v) Wearing Orchids in my hair

w) In case of Monday blues – planning something special for Monday. This way I have something to look forward to all through the day – its like working towards a reward

x) Gazing at Vincent’s paintings for their arbitrary forceful strokes or at Monet’s depiction of the countryside of Giverny and water lilies till I become a part of the landscape staring at me. What I love about water – ponds, lakes or seas is the fact that they mirror the changing sky, which in turn imbues the waters with movement and life. It’s easy to seek in art an adventure that we cannot sustain in real life.

y) Walk through parts of the city that I haven't been to earlier during the early hours with my music and having a hearty breakfast after that.

I guess I’m a positive pessimist. I like to turn the inevitable occassional negativity into a splendid affair.