Those who always believe......

How do some people muster the courage…
to go on when they can’t….
to dream yet another dream when the ones that came before were irreparably crushed…
to start all over again for the nth time
to love when it hurts..
to wait when previous passions have burnt and died…
to fight when one cant stop shivering…
to take that extra step after you’ve always faltered and been shoved ….

THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM
To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong

To love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest

To follow that star

No matter how hopeless

No matter how far
To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march into Hell

For a heavenly cause
And I know if I'll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart will lie peaceful and calm

When I'm laid to my rest
And the world will be better for this

That one man, scorned and covered with scars

Still strove with his last ounce of courage

To reach the unreachable star
(From the Man of La Mancha)

that happy happy feeling

I’m trying to conform to my set of resolutions as much as possible and my blog should be witness to that. I intend to document picayune things which manage to elicit from me that happy happy joy joy feeling. Yesterday my colleague bought this John Legend Cd…called ‘Get Lifted for our listening pleasure – an antidote for those morose hours where we stare at the computer screen, brain-dead. He’s apparently a three-time Grammy winning African American R&B singer, songwriter, and pianist. It helped me get into an upbeat mood….
Oh live it up

We can go crazy

Live it up

You and me baby

Live it up, live it up, live it up

We're flying high

Don't wanna come down

We'll let 'em know

All over town….

Music does that to me….its my stress buster. It acts like a constant companion who traces the emotional graph of this girl who is sometimes anguishing, sometimes exuberant and always questing (that’s me!!).

It has started working for me… I sing when I’m sad, confused, bored and jubilant...…
There are certain songs which might not say something different from what we already know….but there’s something about the honesty of the emotion and the simplicity of the the way its expressed – sometimes its all wrapped up in that one line of the song….and crazy me listens to the whole song waiting in anticipation …that one line.
“I swear I left her by the river, I swear I left her safe and sound….’ (Richard marx – Hazard),
“I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh”… (I love the way you love me)…
“I don’t mind standing everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with a broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while”….(maroon 5 – she will be loved)..
“She’ll only reveal what she wants you to see”….(She’s always a woman to me…)
“What I’ve felt, what I’ve known never shined in through what I’ve shown”….. (Unforgiven – Metallica)
“Let me sing you a waltz, Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts… Even tomorrow, another arms, My heart will stay yours until I die”…. (Soundtrack – Before Sunset)
“Its not easy to be me”….(Superman)
“….And when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night. You took your life as lovers often do; but I could have told you Vincent this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.”(Vincent - Don Mcclean)
“You may say I’m a dreamer but I’m not the only one.”(Imagine – John Lennon)




Strangely I can’t recall more at this point. The song Vincent, more popularly known as Starry Starry night….is my all time favourite….Its about Vincent’s incessant struggle with insanity and also metaphorically expresses how his paintings are his eyes which watch the world since he is gone. Van Gogh committed suicide.

Starry night is one of the most well- known images in modern culture by Vincent Van Gogh painted from memory while in an Asylum and not outdoors, unlike most of his other works. Every line in the poem in the second stanza carries references to other paintings of Vincent. The violent strokes of brush reflect his erratic emotional state of mind. There is the night sky filled with swirling clouds, blazing stars alight with their own luster, and a bright moon. The picture sets your eyes in motion. The sky keeps your eyes gyrating as you pursue the curves, creating a visual dot to dot with the stars. The heart of the town is the tall tower of the church, which reign over the smaller buildings. This tower descends a sense of stability onto the town, and also creates a sense of seclusion. There is also a massive dark structure that develops an even greater sense of isolation.


It is actually worth quoting in full…

Starry, starry night.

Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,I
n colors on the snowy linen land

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue,
morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I understand
what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

Necessary Illusions....

I chanced upon an observation about resolutions, which I found to be absolutely germane – “We’re often too cynical about how resolutions are never kept…but we shouldn’t be. Resolutions are perhaps lies but they’re lies of good faith. Necessary illusions.” I like the last part – necessary illusions…. That’s what resolutions are for me…elusive but beautiful ‘chimera’s.

I never made New Year resolutions because I felt that I would never be able to adhere to them. I had an erroneous way of looking at resolutions, I guess. Inherent in resolutions is a pact to break them. So I decided this year to not pursue those so-called emblematic resolutions (WILL LOSE WEIGHT, WILL BE MORE ORGANISED types) but will revert to those lil dreams I saw but never had the courage to chase.

1) I will not silence that tune I hum in my head.I will sing that song out loud…. and I will believe people when they tell me that I have a lovely voice…

2) I will not brood over anything lost that is so obviously undeserving (least of all…men). I will not cry alone. I will squeeze my dearest friends to death and drench their clothes with my tears and then go out for ice cream.

3) I will review everything that I took up and left unfinished….and try to do at least one of those things….like DRIVING…(will at least attempt those).So here I come my dear fragmentary promises…you’ll are my only solace. Dear “Promises I made to myself” – you’ll have to help me love myself.

4) I will take up those dance classes – SALSA.

5) I will draw that book of mine called ‘BEING DIPTI –THAT GIRL WHO FIERCLY LIVED OUT HER DREAMS’ out of that corner of obscurity in my drawer .It will not be in shambles any more. Will read that book to educe those dormant promises I made to myself…

6) I will continue to go fida over SRK and his dimples and not intellectualize everything.

7) I will get those black and white photographs clicked of mine…. and my notice board will have more snaps and souvenirs.

8) I will not wear my spectacles on every occasion. I will be comfortable about the person I am sans spects..cos that’s who I am…I was not born with spects. I will not hide behind my glasses. I will buy glares though (Prada…. months of saving up. agony agony. But my style guru radhi shall help me pick the best.)

9) I will count myself as one of the lucky people in the world when I manage to claim that window seat in the bus in the morning and switch on the radio to hear a long lost favourite song…

10) I will smile when kids actually think im fun..and I will lose it with them….

11) I will discover new spaces in Mumbai – contemplative spaces…. riveting spaces, spaces from where I can get the best view of the city or of the sea. I will persist in believing that a stimulating conversation is better than or at least as good as an orgasm (or any other peak experience…hehe)

12) I will also discover spaces where I can walk down that lane with friends catching up on our lives or my constant companion – my music….

13) I will believe that a mosaic can be more beautiful than an unbroken heart and that life is about loose unfastened ends and yet not give up on my naïve faith in happy endings.

I will actually understand that happiness is really an inside job….

Secret garden

Shell let you in her house
If you come knockin late at night
Shell let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
Shell let you deep inside
But theres a secret garden she hides
Shell let you in her car
To go drivin round
Shell let you into the parts of herself
Thatll bring you down
Shell let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, dont think twice
Youve gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you cant remember
And you cant forget
Shell lead you down a path
Therell be tenderness in the air
Shell let you come just far enough
So you know shes really there
Shell look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
Shes got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

Bruce Springsteen

Babel

I saw babel yesterday.It wrenched my heart out.Im glad that i ushered in the new year with two good movies...babel and capote....

though critiques liken Babel to Crash because of the interlocking structure of three parallel plotlines in terms of different lives revolving around one dominant incident..(here it is the firing of a rifle in morroco and how it affects the lives of a Mexican governess,an american couple, and a japanese father-daughter ), I preferred Babel because it poignantly educes the difference in conditions of first and third world countries and the issue of how the very existence of immigrants has come to be illegal in the country of america which is fervently making draconian laws agaisnt immigrants(despite America being a country of immigrants).In Babel,the very white skinned amreican tourists were willing to abandon Brad pitt and his wife in the middle of a middle Eastern country.She is shot at accidentally by a goatherd and American investigations flout it as a terrorist attack.It is the locals (so called terrorists) who come to their rescue.This incident actually brings the couple closer who are desperately trying to slavage their marriage. The visuals of the far-flung places are visceral.The film stresses on the need to circumvent communication barriers and prejudices.The Japanese deaf-mute girl delivers an excellent performance as a sex-starved teenager(i felt though that this part of the plot was a bit of a misfit).Crash also attempts to do that but Crash for me earns negative points since i felt that it somewhere trivialised the systematic longstanding discrimination against blacks in america in its efforts to drive home the message that we are all at heart prejudiced...so in that sense i thought it was insidious.Babel despite the irony and the muddle takes a stand.

The name Babel is derived from a tale from teh Bible..where the tower of babylon is built by people to reach heaven and people invent different languages and lose their way in this morass and confusion and fail to meet the desired end....

A dream deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--And then run?
Or crust and sugar over--like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sagslike a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
-Langston Hughes

The possible fates of a postponed dream...the severity of a dream that never turns into a reality...

A coerced zest....

I guess it’s not too late yet to write about bringing in the New Year and about taking stock of what happened in the whole of last year…..

To begin with ….I really wanted to do something fun and something that I was not allowed to do since i was perpetually grounded for new years and also cos timsy's not gonna be around next year.

Most of the things in life…including new years parties are not worth the hype that we bestow upon them. It’s a coerced zest….i don’t intend cribbing but the best part about my new years was observing the assimilation of different kinds of people at that conclave called a ‘commercial party’. The other thing that I incessantly had resort to was (as Radhi calls it) activation of the ‘Puke alert’ mechanism….u have to watch ur step. Me dazed as I am…was shielded by my friends from the spontaneity of people reveling in unlimited booze.

Strangely I dint feel like drinking at all….and my feet also seemed frozen. Probably I was not smacked by the euphoria that people around me indulged in making the most out of every penny that they spent. Full paisa vasool!!Actually the Marine Plaza party was better than the other commercial parties or so I was told. There were like 5 parties…in the same building with different themes…sadly I was missing the point cos they didn’t feel any different.

How different can they be actually? Music on Saturday nights in most of the places is the same…actually on all weekdays…that’s the popular music after all. It sounds jarring after a while…I was desperately seeking a quiet corner…that was too much to ask though. I do enjoy thumkaoing to bollywood dhincak music but only after looong intervals, not in the same month.

Im generally not so boring…but part of my usual gang was missing…and I guess that’s what I was missing. The point is at occasions like these…u really don’t care so much about where you are as long as you’re with all your people. I mean that was the difference between the couple (20 something) right next to me dancing like nobody was watching them with glee oozing from their faces and me…..it was just so much fun watching them together.

I finally found my corner…up on the rooftop…they were playing…. my kinda music…. Retro…songs I thrived on..hadnt hread Alice..and that song I mentioned n my previous blog ‘stand by me’. Walk of life…Come as you are….Wild world…Take on me….actually it was a live band..but they did a great job. I found my sweet spot from where I could stare into infinite expanse of the sea without having to look at the streets where people past midnight were still trying to make it to one of those much coveted party destinations. I had the sole drink of that evening listening to In my life, Ive loved u more by the beetles. I know by now u guys must be tired of my painful tendency to break into songs but I’m sure u’ve loved those songs too..so here I go….

There are places I remember All my life,
though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one who compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love u more

The bit about reviewing the whole of last year..i’ll do it tomorrow….